Teaching difficult students can take the wind from the sails of even the finest teacher.

Student behavior problems not only affect the teacher, but they distract those students that truly want to learn. Disruptive students take time and energy away from the teacher and this leaves less time for teaching and learning. Difficult students also put a damper on the mood of the classroom.

An effective teacher will recognize and address disruptive students immediately. If the student has parents that are involved in their child’s education, then a phone call home may be effective as an intervention. Some parents, however, are less involved and will almost certainly do nothing to minimize their child’s negative classroom behavior. In these instances, it is important to find a consequence that makes an impact.

For some students, the negative attention that they receive from the teacher is actually a motivator. Sometimes, a subtle approach is more successful. A simple “meet me after class” will often do wonders, especially if said out loud in class. Also, children value their free time and taking it away from them can be very effective.

Behavior assignments are also a great deterrent. Try creating a worksheet that asks general questions such as:

1. What rule did you break? Why?
2. What is your plan for behaving more appropriately next time?
3. How does your behavior affect others?
4. Write an apology to those that were affected by your behavior.
5. Why is it important to follow the rules?

Keep several photocopies of these “behavior assignments” around and hand them out as needed to difficult and/or disruptive students. Perhaps you could even remove a special privilege from the student until he or she completes the assignment.

Student contracts are another great way to motivate students that could use a little “nudge” to behave better in class. Student contracts set the classroom expectations then describe the rewards and consequences that go along with following (or not following) the contract. For some students, this is just the “nudge” they need.

You’ll find a student contract in each of the following contract packages:

www.TeenBehaviorContracts.com

www.Behavior-Contracts.com

www.ParentCoachPlan.com

And finally, try developing and implementing a classroom discipline plan that focuses on respecting others, following expectations, and behaving in a safe and appropriate manner. A well-executed classroom discipline plan can help to maintain structure and consistency for the students – and with these elements in place, your students are likely to benefit and behave in a more positive manner.

Good Luck!

Parenting is tough!

There are a few crucial components that must be in place if parents wish to effectively manage their child’s difficult, annoying, defiant, and/or inappropriate behaviors.  These components are quite literally a recipe for positive parenting.

What are the “components” that parents need?

• They need a strong, dedicated support system
• They need smart, straightforward advice when needed
• They need patience, dedication, and a good deal of common-sense
• They need useful, informative resources
• and they need practical, effective parenting tools! 

What kind of “parenting tools?”

There are a wide range of exceptional parenting tools available to parents – but there’s one in particular that deserves some special attention: The Parent Coach Plan

The Parent Coach Plan is a comprehensive and easy-to-use behavior management tool with many labels.  It can be referred to as a…

Whatever you choose to call it – the objective is the same:  to improve child behavior through the use of an in-home behavior management system designed to help parents instill a firm, fair, consistent, and structured discipline regimen.

Basically, the philosophy behind it is that BETTER PARENTING = BETTER BEHAVIOR

Why Try a Child Behavior Program?

Why not? 

A well-utilized behavior program provides structure and consistency in the home. 

Children have a tendency to respond well to structure and consistency.

A detailed behavior program helps to establish firm limits and clear expectations.

This creates less confusion and less ambiguity regarding household rules.

A well-thought-out behavior program holds children accountable for their negative behavior.

There’s no more “getting off easy!”

A customizable behavior program can be modified to meet the various/changing needs of the child.

New issues or behaviors appearing?  No problem – simply adjust the program as needed!

How much time and effort are required to set up and use the program?

Both are simple. 

The program can be set up and ready to use within a short period of time – usually less than 30 minutes!  After that, there is only a minimal amount of effort needed each day/evening in order to effectively utilize the program in your home.

Question:
URGENT! In 2004 I retired after 30+ years as accountant in the aerospace industry. About 15 months later, we inherited our teenage grandson to live with us because he got into very serious legal problems and placed on 3 yr probation, 2 years are remaining. His probation has a 7 pm curfew requiring that he be in our house every day by 7 pm. He could not continue living with his mother, our daughter, even though she lives close by and remains active in his life. I am his legal appointed guardian. He is now 16. He has made great improvements overall his life during the past year but struggles with keeping his probation curfew. We have just learned he is possibly using marijuana. He has great potential to be a good student, athlete, and a positive contribution to society. But if he continues to violate his probation, he will likely end up in a Texas Youth Commission facility for a long time. I need help establishing consequences, setting boundaries and whatever else you can offer. He functions very well in a structured environment with well-defined and enforced boundaries.


Answer:
My advice to you is to hold your grandson accountable for missed curfews and for any other activities that violate his probation. I would get to know his probation officer quite well (if you don’t already) then report each and every violation immediately to that officer. Be sure to let your grandson know that this will be your new “policy” for dealing with his non-compliance until he can demonstrate more responsible behavior.

You may also ask the probation department to begin administering random drug tests and or even try using an electronic home monitoring device. The “threat” of this may be all he needs to straighten up.

The products on our site (www.teenbehaviorcontracts.com) could be very helpful, especially if your grandson responds well to structure and consistency. You could use the behavior program and the contracts together to establish some clear behavioral expectations as well as the privileges and consequences that will result from his behavior.

I hope this helps.

If you are the parent of a cell-phone-toting child or teen, then you know first-hand how much of a challenge it can be to limit his or her activity on said phone.

Gone are the days of getting together in the neighborhood to play a game of street hockey or tackle football. No longer are kids interested in getting together for a walk to the park or for a bike ride around the neighborhood.  Kids these days would rather spend time sitting on their phones, either playing games, watching videos, or communicating with friends.

For some parents, allowing their children unlimited cell phone usage is perfectly fine…for the rest of us, however, too much phone time is concerning.

Below are three simple rules/strategies that parents can put in place to limits their child’s phone and/or social media time while at home (or even while away from home).

1. 1. A rule that I use at home with my own teen daughter is as follows: Phone time is allowed only during the first fifteen minutes of each hour. For instance, she can be on her phone from the top of the hour until a quarter after.  If she is caught using her phone outside of that time-frame then she forfeits her time for the next hour PLUS she owes 10 minutes of chore time (to be determined by me!).
   2. Another idea is to allow phone usage for an hour in the morning, an hour in the afternoon, and then another hour before bedtime. When the phone is not in use then it should be stored in a neutral location that prevents the child from constantly checking their phone. This arrangement works best during weekends and/or in the summer.
   3. And finally, parents can purchase an app that places limits on their child’s phone. There are apps that can restrict just about anything – times, contacts, which apps can be used, etc. A quick internet search will provide several options to choose from.

So, if you’re the parent of a child or teen that just can’t seem to limit his or her phone usage then perhaps one of the above tips/ideas will help.  If you think your child could benefit from a cell phone contract, then consider looking at the teen contracts available here.

PROBLEM: Bickering Children!

Hi, I’m Heather.  I have 2 kids, ages 3 1/2 and 6.  My issues with discipline are self-induced. I don’t follow through, and I need some help staying the course.  I don’t want to feel helpless anymore!  My kids have reached a point where almost all they do is fight with each other. Adam is 6 and Katherine is 3 1/2. Katherine is really good at antagonizing her brother, and Adam has a really hard time ignoring her or letting things roll off his back.  I want to nurture their brother/sister bond – but am at a total loss as far as where to start.  Help?

ANSWER:

Hi Heather. Here are some tips for bickering children that you may or may not have already tried:

Find ways to put Adam into a role of “teacher” for Katherine.  Make it fun for him and praise him when he does a good job.  He could teach her age-appropriate topics such as letters, feelings, manners, etc. 

Purchase a toy or activity that they could do together and only allow them to use it when they are playing together nicely.  Supervise them as they play and intervene as necessary.  If problems persist, then take the toy/activity away and try again another day. 

Find ways to get them to work together to accomplish a task.  For instance, you could
have them work together to make cookies then let them each have one if they work well together well. 

Teach positive social skills. Many times, children don’t get along because they don’t know how to or they don’t have the necessary skills to do so.  Practice role-playing various situations and use that activity as a way to reinforce positive social skills. 

Make them feel good about their actions each time they do something nice for the other.  Point it out when possible then give praise.

When both of my daughters antagonize each other or end up bickering, I send them both to their rooms and tell them that whoever goes to their room the quickest and the quietest will get out first.  I also tell them that if they both go straight to their rooms and both remain in there quietly, then they both get to come out sooner and at the same time.  This works almost every time.  By the time they get out they forget what they were arguing about in the first place!

I hope that you can use at least a couple of these tips to alleviate the bickering.  Good luck!

We all have at least one person in our life that we would consider “high drama.” Regardless of the circumstances, there always seems to be a high degree of misfortune and/or tension that follows this person…like a dark shadow on a sunny day.

What causes all of the drama in this person’s life and how does one go about avoiding such drama?

The following list may not be a comprehensive one, but it lists several ways in which an individual can avoid (or at least minimize) drama in his or her life.

Stay away from toxic people.

Toxic individuals tend to display such behaviors as excessive jealousy or envy, cruelty towards others, general rudeness, inability to manage emotions, manipulating others, “playing the victim,” selfishness, constant blaming of others, and such. These people will suck the life right out of you and leave you drained!

Avoid living a high-risk life.

A high-risk life is full of dangerous and/or reckless behaviors such as using and/or abusing drugs or alcohol, hitchhiking, working a lot, being promiscuous, breaking the law, hanging with a “bad crowd,” driving recklessly, and such.

Live within your means.

Nothing adds more drama to life than constantly having no money or means to pay for life’s necessities.

Be prepared for emergencies.

Have a plan to deal with potential crises such as being on a date with someone that makes you uncomfortable, residential fire, car breaking down in the middle of nowhere, being followed, etc.

Remain calm when things get rough/Avoid over-reacting to minor incidents.

Over-reacting to a situation will rarely (if ever) help. Remain calm and deal with the situation in a calm and collected manner.

Pay attention to “red flags.”

If something or someone makes you uncomfortable then always err on the side of caution. Go with your gut!

Don’t “stir the pot.”

Someone that “stirs the pot” is someone that is essentially trying to cause drama. An individual that does this is simply trying to cause unrest, dissent, and…well, trouble!

So there you have it, a short list of ways to avoid drama in your life!

The following is a question that was asked of Chris Theisen, creator of “The Parent Coach Plan” and co-owner of www.ContractForAdultChild.com.  This Q&A first appeared in a forum that appeared on the ParentCoachPlan.com website.

Question:  I saw your article and thought perhaps you might help We have a 30 year old son with crones disease. He works for us in a family business and earns 70K/year. He is always asking for money and I want it to stop. The problem is that his Dad and I have a lot of money. We are in our 60’s and are finally spending money we’ve been saving all our lives as we lived very carefully knowing retirement could be hard. The son has a house, three cars, 5 scooters and is getting married tomorrow. For his wedding he spent nothing, not even for the photographer. His girlfriends mother footed the whole bill, we kicked in for the caterer and are giving them 1000 for an airplane ticket for Hawaii. Earlier on we also paid off his second mortgage so he could afford to stay in his house. We also pay his medical bills as crones is expensive. I just don’t know where this ends. My husband says the next issue will be children. Even if his wife stays home to have kids, he makes 70K a year in a small town. He has expensive hobbies and I guess he doesn’t want to give them up. They also do not need 3 brand new cars. I have paid his property taxes twice in the last two years. I’m so tired of his sob stories that I do not want to see or speak to him. He only calls or comes to see us when he wants something. He is a totally selfish and needy to the max. I realize he has never learned to budget. Giving the tax money was done so he wouldn’t lose his house. The medical money is out of guilt. Is 70K enough to live on? One of his last statement was “her parents are giving us a honeymoon and they aren’t as rich as you. You need to pay for some.” He feels we owe him money because we are wealthy and he is not. Where does it end? Because we have money will I always have to give it to my son. Oh, my oldest son has never asked for a penny. It’s really a strain on our family. Top this off with he works about 25 hours a week instead of 40 and he is paid anyway. (again, the crones and I don’t want him to lose his house) I need a shrink I’m sure, but they don’t have any advice on financial matters. I could sure use help…. I keep saying “not one more penny” then another issue arises and I feel guilty.

Answer: Let me first begin by answering your question…yes, 70K is enough to live on…unless, of course, you have a $100K lifestyle. I’m not sure which is worse…the fact that he is obviously taking advantage of you or the fact that you are allowing it to happen. Lessons are never learned when enablers are in charge. I, too, have parents that are wealthy and I feel guilty when they buy me dinner while I’m out visiting them. Your son should feel the same way. I would highly suggest turning your “hand-outs” into “loans.” Next time he asks for money, tell him that you will loan him a reasonable amount of money to help him through his “situation” but only if he signs a written agreement which states the terms of repayment. Do not loan him any more money until the previous loan is repaid. You could even have him do odd jobs to work off the loan (at a fair wage, of course). I’m sorry to say, but you should not be supporting expensive hobbies just because you feel guilty about his disease. Life will go on for him and he will cope. If you continue to give him hand-outs because you feel guilty then he will never learn to be responsible and he will always depend on you (or others). He certainly feels entitled to your money and that is not okay. Even if it means that he has to move into a smaller home (or condo) and sell one of his cars, then so be it. You are creating a monster by continuously giving him hand-outs. When the money stops, he will be forced to figure things out for himself…whether that means getting a second job, spending less money on hobbies, selling a car, or whatever. Good luck and keep me posted. I’d love to hear about what you choose to do and how it turns out.

It’s that time of the year!

Spring Break is undoubtedly a time to look forward to when you are a child or teen looking for a break from the monotony of school. Though as a parent, it might be a bit more distressing due to the planning and financial obligations that go along with arranging a fun-filled Spring Break vacation.

Well, if the finances aren’t there then there’s no need to fret…there are plenty of options to choose from that won’t break the bank.  You can do a little research and find pretty good options so that the whole family can have a fabulous spring break.

Below is a list of 10 things that parents can do with their child (or teen) during Spring Break without needing to travel or spend a lot of money:

1. 1. Schedule a “Day in the Park.”  Pack a picnic lunch and bring plenty of sports equipment, games, and other fun things to do.  Don’t forget sunscreen and plenty of water.
   2. Spend the day at a local rec center. Rec centers have all kinds of things to do…there’s usually swimming, an open gym, a playground, various “kid-friendly” classes (usually need to sign up in advance), and other activities.
   3. Go for a hike or a “nature walk.”
   4. Go fishing.
   5. Have a garage sale. It isn’t too early to do so!  Use the money you make to go shopping or to do an activity later that day.
   6. “Movie Marathon.” This is an especially good idea for when the weather is not cooperating.  Popcorn, candy, warm blankets, etc.
   7. Go on a Tour. Lots of local businesses offer tours of their facilities.  Check online for places in your area that offer such tours.
   8. Have a “Pamper Day” or “Spa Day.” Visit a local spa or simply purchase a few supplies and do your own day of pampering.
   9. Play an organized game or sport. Gather the neighborhood kids (who are also off for Spring Break) and get a game of kickball, soccer, street hockey (or whatever else) going.
   10. Go do a paid activity. It could be mini-golf, laser tag, bowling, a movie, an arcade, or whatever else sounds fun!