Are You a Crappy Parent?

Want To Know If You Are You a Crappy Parent?

Well, in the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might be a Redneck if…” here is a version for parents called, “You Might be a Crappy Parent if…”

You might be a crappy parent if…

  1. You allow your preteen child to watch R-rated movies because, after all, “R” stands for “Radical!”
  2. You spend more time on your “smart phone” than you do with your child…proving that your phone is indeed smarter than you.
  3. You give-in to your child’s whining and/or complaining because you don’t want to encourage that type of behavior….oh, wait!
  4. You don’t help your child with his 4th grade math because…well, you can’t.
  5. Your teen stumbles home an hour past curfew with bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and traces of vomit on his shirt. He tells you that he’s “just tired” and you believe him. Two weeks later when he is arrested for underage drinking you act surprised because “there just weren’t any red flags.”
  6. Discipline, to you, means yelling, swearing, and belittling your child until she behaves. Of course this is usually done when you catch your child yelling at, swearing at, and/or belittling her younger sibling.
  7. Seatbelts, sunscreen (on sunny days), and bike helmets (while riding) are all optional in your home.
  8. Drugs (legal or not) and/or alcohol take precedent over any parenting responsibilities at any time ever!
  9. You keep your fridge loaded with soda and your cupboards filled with chips, cupcakes, and a variety of other treats…because, well, they like that stuff.
  10. “Fast food” is not just a phrase to describe a place that serves food fast, it is also another name for “dinner” in your household.
  11. “Spousal spats” (AKA “fighting”) in front of the kids is common…because, hey, someone has to create anxiety for the kids and show them how to be dysfunctional.
  12. Two words: Deadbeat parent!
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