Did I do the right thing??

[rosaaquino]

My son is always complaining how I do not let him do anything or have any freedom, which is not true. I allow him to go to certain places but he is only 14 so it is very limited. Another issue is that he is very immature and irresponsible so I always fear he is going to embarrass me and himself. Just yesterday, i had to run some errands and I was aways from home for about 4 hours. Around 1230pm i started laundry and around 130-2 the clothes were in the dryer. I asked him to make sure he gets the clothes when they dry and start folding. Okay, so i leave around 2pm and he calls me around 430 to ask me if he can eat, I said sure heat up the baked ziti for you and your brother; I also asked him if he was done with the clothes he stated he was not, i told him to hurry. Later, I got home around 550 only to find the clothes just coming up from the laundry room downstairs. He was basically fooling and goofing around with my neighbors son that he totally fogot to what he was asked. Then my younger son told me he was hungry and I found out he was not fed and was given candy instead! I was furious, because I tried to give him a chance to be responsible and he was not. So eventually he asked me if he and his brother could attend his friends basketball game and I said no because he is not responsible enough yet. Was I right or are the consequences to stiff??

[newhope]

What have you done to explain to him as to what his responsibilities are?  I would write things down and post them where he cannot miss the post.  I leave a list of things that I would like my children (ages 13 and 16) to do while I am gone.  I add to it the note that their help is appreciated and will allow more time to do things in later in the day.  If they do not do as asked they are not permitted to do something that they want to do until the requests are completed. I do tell them that I am disappointed in them for not following thru and am not friendly until they have completed what was asked of them.  I do call a few times during the day to give them a tickler and check on them which seems to help.  Teenagers have selective memories and need a nudge sometimes.  If they want to go to an activity make sure that they complete specified tasks then they earn what they desire to do.  It is important to make it clear what your expectations are and have them repeat back to ensure they understand the task at hand.  Hope this helps.